I have not read this in a book and no one has told me this but I have decided for me that sadness saps my energy. For those who know me, most would likely agree I have a good lot of steady energy perhaps like an endurance athlete. Today I am dragging my ass. It could be the coming down off a holiday high. It could be because I have been thinking about Thanksgiving and Lee's ashes.
Lynda and Louise were out today for a visit prepared to work. I didn't have the energy to even think of anything they might do! We had a look at the area out by the road where Jazz is buried and we determined where that exact spot would be. We used to have a sign there and that has since come down. I found the impressions of the rocks we used to circle a small weed infested flower garden. Now part of that area is a rough lawn that gets mowed and the other part grows wild and is unkept. I think it makes sense to loosen the area up with the rototiller and I can plant a shrub or tree.
We had a bit of a cry at lunch simply talking about not believing Lee is REALLY gone. It is simply unbelievable. This is a common grief experience. Our head and mind knows its true but our hearts pain from the loss. It is coming up to 6 months. How can that be?
I look forward to a seminar at http://www.ravenheartfarms.com/ called From Fear to Love. Its an equine assisted learning opportunity and I am very curious about that. I do not feel any fear about going to the seminar. I feel quite excited about it. September 14 will be the 6 month anniversary of Lee's death and I will be in the safe arms of the women at Ravenheart. I love to learn and be in the here and now. To be with horses is an added bonus. I am thinking this will be an opportunity to close this chapter and start another one.
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