My Trip to Kingston

This  trip to Kingston had been planned for years. Lee was going to show me Ontario in the fall with all the brilliant colours plus her growing up stomping grounds. Here I am on my own and as I have had moments of sadness I am having another time in my life.

Saturday is a good example. I had two naps and stayed in my night gown and pj pants until late afternoon. I have never done that in my life! This house is made from stone and is over 100 years old. The Harrowsmith magazine started in this town of Camden East and the Equinox magazine had its offices in this very house. The walls are massive at 2 feet thick. The wood stove kicks out warmth that penetrates me to my bones in this drizzly weather. Conversations flow in and out. Memories of way back in the 70's when Judy and I first met interspersed with laughter, moments of grief and talk about Buddhism.Saturday was a most wonderful day.

In the evening we went to Ben's Pub in Kingston for a Girls Night Out. Two women played guitars and one played the fiddle and their music was wonderful. Roberta knew them all as they had connections to the music department at Queens. Some songs were written by the individual women and they ranged from soulful to rockin to down eastern stompin music. We had burgers and fish and chips pub style and visited with people who knew Judy and Roberta. As I was introduced to a woman I recognized her as someone who stayed in our bed and breakfast way back in the late 90's!It was great to catch up and meet her new partner briefly. I invited myself for lunch Sunday and a longer visit and I enjoyed that very much. Its a small world in so many ways.

I have been using my gps more or less to keep track of where I am not necessarily where I am going to. I still like a paper map. It was a bit of a challenge in a car not so familiar to me navigating strange parts of the city.If I got disoriented I simply punched in an intersection and drove to that where I would likely find a familiar landmark. When with a partner it is so easy for me to rely on the other person and in moments of some panic or not being sure where the hell we are, short sharp words could be exchanged. No sense having an admonishing talk with myself. As a matter of fact I was most kind to myself.

Note to self: When next driving with someone and navigating be extra nice.

I will hang low tomorrow then drive a friend to an appointment in Ottawa on Tuesday. She will be my personal tourist guide for the day and I will be her chauffeur.A good exchange of services.  

I am finding my grief bursts to be more gentle and less frequent. The pain is not sharp any more. I have integrated that into my life is such a way that it is PART of my life not my whole life. It is all part of the process of moving along.  My understanding i that everything is normal and everyone does this at their own speed. What is right for me may not be right for the next person but it is right for me.

This has been a great holiday.