It's been 3 months since Lee died. Today I got the phone call about the insurance check at Cooperators. It's in Regina and ready for me. I am relieved- that's my first reaction. My second reaction is one of deep deep sadness. The money means nothing to me in this moment. I am sure it will come in handy. But Lee was worth millions to me if we are talking dollars.
I had a great counselling session today where I voiced my frustrations about unfinished business- business that was now in someone else's court. One down- the United Church to go. I did get an email stating they appreciate my patience so that should be settled soon. With all that done I JUST go on living. I came home with a couple of borrowed books from the bereavement centre library. One is on HOPE. I don't think I have ever lived without the thought of hope. Even in my darkest moments I had some sense of hope. There is a line in the book that says Hope is not a feeling. It's something you do.
Maybe I'll buy some deer fencing. There are deer tracks in the garden and my new apple tree has been pruned by them. I am selfish about the garden . The deer can have 159 acres. I only want one.
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