June 21 First Day of Summer

I see on the calendar that yesterday June 20 was the first day of summer. I always thought and celebrated the 21st as the day. Must be a reason somewhere and I am sure someone will tell me!

I go to my last for now counselling session today. I have been lax with blog writing but writing nonetheless via emails. I am at the point in my grief where I am articulating the gifts I received from Lee. And there are so many....

Loyalty, listening without judgement, not taking the others stuff personally, getting EXCITED about differences and exploring them and not fearing them, feeling fear and doing it anyway., keeping agreements and re negotiating as needed, talk is cheap action is defining, the little things count, simple is divine, communication can take place with no talking, surprises of time and thoughtfulness that cost nothing in dollars, together time alone, challenges relished and not feared in the end, celebrating the little things, being grateful for everything and anything, laughing at ourselves repeatedly, acceptance with warts and all, seeing through the facade to the realness and all of that being quite OK, accepting what is IS, truth will set us free.

I could go and on. You get the point. What a treasure she was and what a legacy she left with me. I know she was devoted to me and I know she knew I would be OK because I was the trooper in self care. If I razzed her about anything it was encouragement to care for herself. She was excellent at providing care for others. I am afraid being as independent as I am I brushed her off many times and I regret that. I must have felt unlovable in those moments and undeserving. She taught me we are all lovable and deserving and worth attending to. Vulnerability is key and turning ourselves inside out and exposing our self brings great gifts.I no longer have great fears exposing myself . I have found when I speak them they go away.

So today I celebrate my journey with my counsellor. I so appreciate his listening to me and guiding me through this grief. Knowing I had his undivided attention for a good hour weekly has been a port in a storm. I will take my leave of counselling for the summer and perhaps re visit it in the fall. I will get on with finishing my kitchen, holidays, gardening. life in general.