Dear Lee on Friday the 13th

I am still receiving cards in the mail, email messages of support and phone calls. People really do care. I often hear stories about how you helped them through a difficult time. You never told me about specifics on your job because confidentiality was sacred. I think when you died you never knew the total impact you made on so many peoples' lives. Your skills were so right for your job and you are sorely missed by many many people. I was in both the General and Pasqua hospital and your picture is still up on the wall as United Church chaplain.

I received insurance money today and paid off our mortgage. I have a hollow feeling in me. It's "NICE" to know I am debt free but at what cost?! I expect over time I will make it OK. Our plan had been that you would retire in 2-3 years then the mortgage would be paid off. This gift has come with a high price.

I went to the horse trailer tack room and rummaged around and lo and behold, I found the GPS in a new cantle bag. It had been in there over 2 winters! The batteries still worked. I had looked and looked in pockets and all over the place for that GPS and no luck Well Friday the 13th is my lucky day. Now where is the pressure washer?!

I FOUND THIS TODAY ON LEE'S LAPTOP. I ASSUME SHE WROTE IT. IT IS DATED  FEBRUARY 7 THIS YEAR. MORE SURPRISES.....

Keening

To talk in grief, women lift their voices and their wail is heard

To the ends of the universe and beyond, to the very ear of God

Their keening wail speaks their shattered, broken hearts

For words cannot describe their tragic bursting hearts

Too sad, too sad for words, too sad

But my keening wail is clogged – stuck in the back of my throat - the sound won’t come

Why?

I am afraid of that sound that would come from me, the pain that would explode from the very centre of my being

The pain of knowing deep in my soul that there was no time…

No time to absorb that tragic news, no time to catch a breathe,

Torn away too soon, too soon, too soon