I have a collection of all the cards and letters Lee has written to me over the past 20 some years. I have them saved in a drawer along with all the sympathy cards people have sent to me. I have other mementos that feel like small treasures and I want to keep them. I have read some of the old letters and cards a while back and many made me smile but many had me feeling so sad. I have a choice whether or not to read them. I don't want to purposefully create sadness just for the sake of wallowing. I will wait for a day in the future when the sadness will be less and the memories will be happy.
I wonder how I will be when I ride again at our favourite riding spots like Saskatchewan Landing and East Grasslands. I had wondered if I would ever find joy again riding alone and I did. So perhaps it will be just fine. I have found that when I speak my fears they go away.
How do I hang on to the memories and move on at the same time? I suppose one step at a time...
The dvd with the committment ceremony, the March 31 service and the tribute to Lee has been completed and is in the mail to me. If anyone wants a copy please email me and I'll send you one. I did this to remember and honor her and to share with people who could not attend the service.
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