Gail Caldwell wrote a book called 'Let's Take the Long Way Home- a memoir of friendship. She won the Pulitzer Prize for this book. I was given this book by a friend whose partner died several years ago. She must have known this book would have been helpful to me.
Gail writes "I know that we never get over great losses; we absorb them, and they carve us into different, often kinder, creatures. Sometimes I think that the pain is what yields the solution. Grief and memory create their own narrative."
I want to remember so much about Lee and I expect I will. I struggle with the almost constant thoughts about her. If I let them (the thoughts) go will I forget about her? Where is the balance that I seek in my life now? How can I move on when these thoughts are so strong? If I stop these thoughts, does this mean I am being disloyal? Loyalty is an important value I hold.
Unless one has had a baby themselves it is hard to imagine the birth experience. Same thing with the death of a partner. Many people have admitted to me that they do not know what it is like for me and several have told me they do not know what they will do when their partner dies. Well. I KNOW people have been dying for years and the suvivors move on and so will we all. As an experiment see how long you can go without any contact with your partner- no email, no texting, not seeing, not touching. no phoning.....at least think about it.Then get together and talk about it. I bet you will speak words of great appreciation.
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