December 19, 2013
Dear Friends and Family!
An email from Kathy to Denise: 2 weeks from "hello" to "addition"... incredible. Amazing that neither of us felt any "slow down! Slow down!" feelings. Yes, you were very forward..you kissed me first.....and I am so glad you did.
When I re-read our emails I am amazed at what we talked about...and so nakedly honest. We just spoke from our hearts...no game playing or artifice....
On Sept.23 I wrote ."I believe we are starting a journey that will last the rest of our lives" .......yes!
I truly don't understand how it all happened so quickly...I am so grateful it did.
Love youxoxoKathy
WOW! What a year! Kathy came for a visit during the stormiest 10 days of January and during this time she received the news her house in Parksville had sold effective March 1. Denise surprised Kathy with a visit early February and helped pack up a 7x7 shipping cube. Kathy left the island February 14 and arrived on the 16th with Tristan, Murphy and Macy Grey. Everything seemed to fall in place quickly. Kathy was such a trooper. I am still amazed at her courage yet now looking back it does not surprise me. Both of us checked each other often and watched for RED flags yet none came. Both of us settled into a work routine with me building in the snow and Kathy doing senior care. All the animals got along just fine. Sadly Tristan declined in April and passed after having enjoyed the snow. Riding season took precedence and work on the addition took a back seat. Because we had 5 seniors all year we were able to afford to take more time off to spend as many hours in the saddle as possible. Kathy quickly became a confident rider and her trust was amazing as I took her over some challenging trails that caught your breath. We can ride minutes from home in Big Valley acres, an hour north in the Strasbourg hills, and hour west at Trails End, down the road to the Arm River. Sask Landing and Grasslands are both about 5 hours from home and we will add Cypress Hills to our ride list for this year with the new truck and gently used trailer.
We talked about getting married because both of us wanted that experience of a strong emotional witnessed connection. What we didn’t want was to organize anything other than show up. We did each buy a new shirt and wore clean jeans and the horses had to be involved. Our friend Dallas and Wayne stepped up and agreed to host this event July 6. We planned to ride over to a lovely pasture but a rain the day before made the clay roads inaccessible for the marriage commissioner. We could not ask her to ride into the area! So we held the ceremony in Dallas’s lovely yard. Friends Margaret and Nelson rode into the area with us while the ‘boys’ played Eileen Laverty’s “The Road”. Rita Walters performed her first same sex marriage ceremony and did a great job. We exchanged rings lovely handmade and crafted by Carol Lyman. We enjoyed a lovely bbq meal and carrot cake made by an 80 year old neighbor. IT was a perfect and memorable day.
The fact that we are both widows I am sure is why we are so present, so in the moment, so grateful, so trusting our gut so everything….because life can be short. We each have a history of trusting ourselves and that flows between us. Even working out ways of communication, learning each other’s vulnerabilities, building a history together- it’s all good.
And so we share our vows with you which you can tell we each wrote and surprised each other! May this letter find you milking life for all its worth. Peace be with you all and strength to deal with whatever lands in your lap. We so appreciate your support and connection with you all.
Much love Kathy and Denise
On July 6, 2013 Denise said to Kathy these wedding vows
First off I want to acknowledge Judy and Lee. We had long and healthy relationships with them and they left us far too soon. We met because of them and we brought all the things that worked forward to this relationship. Thank you Judy and Lee.
I first emailed you September 5 2012 and you responded the next day. We supported each other in our loss by email. As luck would have it I was able to meet you in person at the Horseshoe Bay ferry terminal noon on September 16 after I had accepted an invitation to a concert in Vancouver. Three new women friends at the time advised me to be open to receive and be myself. You and I talked until after 6 pm when you took the ferry back. We continued to email then you came for a visit in October. By this time we knew we could partner and share a life. It was a done deal. I visited in December. You visited me in January- brave woman. I surprised you with a visit in February and later that month you packed up and left BC arriving here February 16.
I intend to remain open with you and be in the moment. I will receive as well as give, I will pay attention, I do value all the little things, I will check in with you often, I will provide room for you to simply be your whole self. I will remind you to breathe. There will be no incessant worry. There will be action. When we are faced with big problems we will talk it out and come up with the right solutions for us. We will be fearless I accept you as you are.
l will be your faithful companion for the rest of our days. And……I will always check your cinch for you! I love you so much.
Then Kathy said to Denise:
September 5, 2012 was the day you entered my life. We connected through our shared experiences of grief, of losing our beloved partners., Lee and Judy. We met for the first time on September 16 and from that day on we took the leap of faith and started to form the connections which have brought us here today..to publicly commit ourselves to each other and to our life together.
Early on in our relationship you said magic words that have changed how I live in this world...OPEN TO RECEIVE. I have opened myself to you and your love, opened myself to the vision of moving from BC to join you in Saskatchewan, opened myself to the possibility of riding a horse!, and most importantly opening myself to be vulnerable with my feelings and not put up a wall....to stay in the moment,accept the feelings, and BREATHE.
I’m not going to say traditional vows to you. but these are words I want you always to remember:
I will love you each and every day...I will demonstrate gratitude in thoughtful ways, as you have done with me. I will speak words of appreciation to you, as you have done with me. I will hold you when you are sad, as you have done with me. I will laugh with you, and cry with you, as you have done with me. I will plan date nights! as you have done with me.
And now I want to repeat something you wrote to me: “I think we have been given an incredible opportunity to maximize the rest of our lives by becoming partners and supporting each other to wring every ounce out of this borrowed and gifted time. Now is the time to be clear on what we want to pack into our lives. We will live each day as if it were our last and we will feel joy.”
